Time to take Responsibility

Updated: Oct 10


Many people go through life blaming others for their circumstances. They believe that it is not their fault for where they are. Everything that you are now and everything that has happening in your life is a result of the choices you have made. You might think that you were not in control of these choices, but in reality, everything which has materialised in your world has been made by your choices, be it consciously or subconsciously.

“I Adrian Spear, absolutely know that where I am today is a direct result of all the thoughts, actions and reactions I have made in the past. All my positive and negative results directly reflect the choices I have made, and I can blame no one for my ups and downs. People have had a positive and also negative influence over me from time to time, but I am responsible for my choices, actions, responses and my life”

Now you might find that difficult to believe. You might say “I didn’t choose to be sick, I didn’t choose the car accident” and yes luck and fate does play a part in our lives too but 99% of the time who, what and where we are, is our own doing.

You are the product of all the choices and all the thoughts that you have made through your entire life. Yes, many folks are always looking to blame others for their situation. They blame their parents, their children, their teachers, their boss, their husband, their wife, their ex partners or even their doctor. Well they didn’t do it to you. You allowed it to happen, or you chose to respond in the way that you did.


What is important now, is how you choose to respond to your present situations. Do you whine and pity yourself because you believe that your problems are far worse than anybody else’s, or do you take responsibility for your life? It’s yours, you own it, so take control of it and stop blaming others for who, where and what you are.

Now for an example:


I have a person in my life who is living in misery, living in quiet desperation. He has been suffering mentally for such a long time. Let us call him Bob.


Bob’s parents broke up when he was only 7 years old. His father was as tough as nails and was very hard on Bob and his older brother and sister. His mother, even though she loved him, never really showed her love. His mother had been treated poorly all her married life. In effect the whole household whilst the family was together was void of love.


Bob lived with his mother for many years thereafter. His mother had several partners during this time which also brought about a toxic environment for Bob. Bob’s older brother and sister had already left the nest and were working and living their own lives. Bob hated living with his mum and partner. He would run away constantly, back to his father’s place. His father who lived alone, worked long hours, drank heavily, and suffered from depression. This environment with his father was also detrimental to Bob’s mental health.


Bob grew up hating his mother and modelling himself on his father, right down to his mannerisms, hair, beard, clothes, laugh, jokes, everything. Bob looked for women in his life that would fill the void of this mother, but these relationships always ended badly, many times with anger and resentment. Bob was in and out of trouble with the law constantly because of his emotional outbursts, thus doing things that harmed others and or society.

Twenty five years on, Bob still cannot stand on his own two feet, owing his ailing old father large amounts of money, failing to hold a job he likes, failing to pay rent, and treating everybody in his life including myself poorly.


Bob’s problem lies not behind him though. Yes, Bob did have a tough upbringing, was dealt a bad hand, but Bob does not realise that he and he alone has the power to turn his life around if he chose to do so. Bob still lives with hatred in is heart and resentment towards his parents, brother, sister, and family members.


Bob needs to accept that his past was tough. He needs to take responsibility for who, where and what he is at this present moment. He needs to realise that nobody is an island, we all need help, so he must extend his hand and ask for this help. He must not look backwards for blame but forwards in hope.


I sit here writing these words with years of study, with years of self-examination and with all my years of learning from the great masters of the world, totally powerless to help Bob because he won’t take responsibility for his life. This brings sadness to my heart.


So, Ladies and Gentlemen, if you are in a relationship with someone and you are treated poorly, or you feel not appreciated then it is time to take responsibility. If you are in a job that you dislike, then it is time to take responsibility. If you do not like the body you find yourself in, then it is time to take responsibility. Responsibility can mean just changing your mindset or communicating with another about what you want. It may mean starting an exercise program. It may mean moving on and leaving a toxic relationship or job. In order to truly live a life of happiness and abundance of health and wealth, you must take 100% responsibility for your past, therefore make a decision, extend the hand and ask for help and guidance.


Nobody is an island. We all need help.


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© 2020 by Adrian Spear - Mindfulness Trainer